Not Being Heard: A Closer Look at Medical Gaslighting in Women’s Health
In my 16 years as a pelvic health physical therapist, not a week goes by without hearing a patient share some version of this story:
“My doctor told me it was just stress.”
“I was told sex can hurt and I should just have a glass of wine and relax.”
“I felt dismissed, like my symptoms weren’t real.”
These are not isolated experiences. They are common, deeply harmful, and often leave people questioning their own bodies instead of getting the support they need. For women navigating pelvic health concerns like pain with sex, incontinence, prolapse, postpartum symptoms, painful periods, menopause changes, or chronic pelvic pain, feeling dismissed can delay care for months or even years.
A recent survey found that 72% of millennial women reported feeling medically gaslighted. In other words, they felt ignored, dismissed, or misdiagnosed despite persistent, real symptoms. For many, these experiences can lead to delayed treatment, emotional distress, and a breakdown of trust in the healthcare system. For people navigating pelvic health concerns like pain with sex, incontinence, prolapse, pelvic pain, or postpartum symptoms, feeling dismissed can be especially harmful.
What is Medical Gaslighting?
Medical gaslighting happens when a healthcare concern is minimized, dismissed, or not fully explored. It may look like symptoms being blamed on stress or anxiety without a thorough evaluation, a patient being told their pain is “normal,” or someone leaving an appointment feeling like they are exaggerating or imagining what they are experiencing.
While this can happen to anyone, women are more likely to report feeling dismissed, minimized, or misdiagnosed in medical settings. This matters because when symptoms are not taken seriously, people may delay care, lose trust in the healthcare system, or begin to doubt their own experience.
It can sound like:
“That’s just part of being a woman.”
“You just need to relax.”
“You’re probably just anxious or depressed.”
“Come back if it gets worse.”
“This is just a normal part of aging.”
These messages can leave patients feeling confused, ashamed, or unsure if they are overreacting, when in reality, their symptoms deserve attention.
Where and When Does Medical Gaslighting Show Up?
It can happen in any healthcare setting, but it’s especially common in:
Labor and Delivery
Too often, women are told to “tough it out” or reassured that what they’re feeling is just part of the process, even when something doesn’t feel right. Concerns about things like tearing, nerve pain, or birth trauma are sometimes brushed aside, leaving women feeling dismissed at one of the most vulnerable moments in their lives.
Pelvic Pain
People with chronic pelvic pain are frequently told that nothing is wrong because imaging or lab work comes back "normal." But normal results don’t mean there’s no problem, just that it hasn’t been thoroughly explored.
Menopause and Perimenopause
Hormonal changes can cause everything from painful sex to brain fog, urinary issues, joint pain, and sleep issues. But many are told, “That’s just aging,” or “Try some wine and lube,” without being offered real options or support. Finally, with the new guidelines to treat Genitourinary Symptoms of Menopause, women can be reassured there are real treatment options.
Postpartum Recovery
New parents may be praised for “bouncing back” while silently struggling with incontinence, prolapse, or painful intercourse and feel like there's nowhere to turn when these symptoms are brushed off
Infertility
For those navigating infertility, medical gaslighting can show up in subtle but painful ways. Concerns may be met with phrases like “just relax and it’ll happen” or “you’re still young, give it time” rather than validating the emotional and physical weight of the experience or offering thorough evaluation. This can leave women feeling unheard, blamed, or brushed off during an already isolating and stressful journey.
Why this matters
Gaslighting in medical settings doesn't just delay proper care, it erodes trust, leads to trauma, and can make people feel like their bodies are broken or wrong. When symptoms are dismissed long enough, people start to doubt themselves, and that self-doubt becomes another barrier to getting help. While anti-anxiety or antidepressant medications absolutely have value, they are not a one-size-fits-all solution for every women's health concern. You deserve a provider who asks why you're experiencing symptoms, not just someone who tries to quiet them.
At Cultivate Your Wellbeing, we believe you. We know your symptoms are real. And we understand the toll it takes to advocate for yourself again and again when you haven’t been heard.
What Can You Do If You Don’t Feel Heard?
If you leave an appointment feeling dismissed, it can be helpful to pause and remind yourself that your symptoms are still real, even if you did not get clear answers that day.
Before your next appointment, write down your symptoms, when they happen, what makes them better or worse, and how they are affecting your daily life. You can also ask direct questions such as, “What else could be causing this?” “What are my treatment options?” or “Would a referral to a specialist or pelvic health physical therapist be appropriate?”
You are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to seek a second opinion. And you are allowed to work with providers who take your concerns seriously and help you understand your options.
What We Do Differently
At Cultivate Your Wellbeing, you’ll find a different kind of care, one where you’re truly heard. We take the time to listen without judgment, to really understand your story and what you’ve been through. We’ll empower you with real answers helping you make sense of what’s happening in your body and talk through your options so you feel informed and confident moving forward. When needed, we collaborate with your other providers to make sure you’re getting the support you deserve. Most of all, we’re here to help you reconnect with your body with strength, ease, and trust in yourself again.
“Several years ago, I began experiencing pelvic floor pain. At the time, I had no idea what that was. I went from doctor to doctor. They either brushed me off, sent me to another doctor, or ordered endless tests that led nowhere. At times, the pain was so bad I could barely stand. I was going down a deep hole of depression and loneliness because no one knew what I was talking about.
I took matters into my own hands and did some research. I found Katie, and the first visit changed my life. She understood, listened, and validated everything I was feeling. Since then, she has helped me maintain a healthy lifestyle. Katie is professional, but also kind, caring, and understanding. I would highly recommend Cultivate Your Wellbeing for treatment.”
You Deserve Better
If you’ve ever walked out of a healthcare appointment feeling dismissed, confused, or defeated, know that it was not your fault. Your story matters. Your symptoms matter. And your healing journey deserves validation and support every step of the way.
Looking for a pelvic health expert to guide you?
We’re here to help you take the next step with support, education, and individualized care.